Tuesday, October 24, 2006
Oh yeah, that's right, I'm freaking lazy
My big problem is not having big dreams, but with finding the motivation to achieve them. I sometimes wonder if I am the least motivated person on the planet. Even people that sit around and say... smoke pot all day. They are at least motivated to smoke pot. Me, well, I don't know why I even get out of bed somedays.
Practice... lots of fucking practice
I'm thinking about careers in art at the moment. It's really a tough thing to consider because while I've wanted to study art for over a decade now, I've always been a little too chicken shit to give it a real chance. Back in the college years I was faced with a choice, I had narrowed down my major to two possibilities: art and philosophy. In the end philosophy won out because I figured that art was something I could teach myself. Perhaps I am right to some extent? I don't know, but while I don't regret the decision to study philosophy, I sometimes feel that a career in art may have been somewhat easier to persue when I was younger and had more drive.
On the other hand, I do have a BA. I've considered graduate schools on a couple of occassions but my grades have kept me out. The irony is so palpable it hurts. So I've continued to tumble down the road of life without really doing to much to stear myself and I am having a hard time mustering up the courage to change all that. Like a fool I keep waiting for something to happen that will equate to some epiphany, some sign that there is something on this earth that I was meant to do.
But I'm now starting to learn that you have to take risks in order to succeed, you have to be able to fail to make progress. I'm certainly not at the end of my rope, but I would like to know what's going on a little bit further up.
On the other hand, I do have a BA. I've considered graduate schools on a couple of occassions but my grades have kept me out. The irony is so palpable it hurts. So I've continued to tumble down the road of life without really doing to much to stear myself and I am having a hard time mustering up the courage to change all that. Like a fool I keep waiting for something to happen that will equate to some epiphany, some sign that there is something on this earth that I was meant to do.
But I'm now starting to learn that you have to take risks in order to succeed, you have to be able to fail to make progress. I'm certainly not at the end of my rope, but I would like to know what's going on a little bit further up.
Then again????
I don't think bile is truely my medium. I'm still going to reserve the right to use expletives and write about poo every now and then, but being a pissed off dude is not a sustainable persona for me. I just can't get behind it.
You see, my life is going through a lot of changes right now, and thankfully they are for the better. But be that as is may, the process can often be pretty stressful. But as I've said before, I'm not really sure who I am anymore. Or to put it another way, I'm on the road to self-discovery. I'm scared shitless, that's for sure, but I also have a lot of hope for the future, my future anyhow. I guess I'm just rambling now but it does feel good to get this stuff out.
OK.
You see, my life is going through a lot of changes right now, and thankfully they are for the better. But be that as is may, the process can often be pretty stressful. But as I've said before, I'm not really sure who I am anymore. Or to put it another way, I'm on the road to self-discovery. I'm scared shitless, that's for sure, but I also have a lot of hope for the future, my future anyhow. I guess I'm just rambling now but it does feel good to get this stuff out.
OK.
Monday, October 23, 2006
What's the Point?
It's such a fantastic experience having a blog, especially when you have absolutely nothing to say. And let's be honest. the vast majority of blogs out there are the chronicles of banal occurances of mundane lives. I'm not attempting to exclude myself from those ranks. On the contrary, I find my stuff pretty boring. I've been inhabiting this body for nearly 33 years now and I can assure you that I very rarely find anything interesting going on with it.
But perhaps that's just the point. It only freaks me out because I have this unnatural fear of being mediocre. For me, it's better to suck in the worst way than to be... middle of the road. Maybe some people find it comforting being surrounded by the rest of the herd, complacent in their long march to the middle. But I suspect that is not the case. I suspect that many, if not most, people have blogs or myspace sites becasue it's the same fear of averageness that complels people to want to reach out to those around them in the digital world, to add users as their friends for no other reason than to not feel like a loser. Well, I would much rather be a loser than like everyone else. At least, being a loser is being something.... something that for me is infinitely more acceptable than mediocre.
But what do I know? Truth is for the time being I'm stuck in the middle with you.
But perhaps that's just the point. It only freaks me out because I have this unnatural fear of being mediocre. For me, it's better to suck in the worst way than to be... middle of the road. Maybe some people find it comforting being surrounded by the rest of the herd, complacent in their long march to the middle. But I suspect that is not the case. I suspect that many, if not most, people have blogs or myspace sites becasue it's the same fear of averageness that complels people to want to reach out to those around them in the digital world, to add users as their friends for no other reason than to not feel like a loser. Well, I would much rather be a loser than like everyone else. At least, being a loser is being something.... something that for me is infinitely more acceptable than mediocre.
But what do I know? Truth is for the time being I'm stuck in the middle with you.
Sunday, October 22, 2006
Fly.... fly away... little bird
It is a bit strange that i redeposited a former post about my life that is all but out of date at this point. However, since Minneapolis will soon be my new home i'm getting excited. I feel like rockin' out harder than a coke boner...YEAH!!!
Free cheeseburgers for everyone!
Free cheeseburgers for everyone!
Say wha'!?
So JC, looks like the old well of creativity is drying up like dog turd on a warm summer sidewalk. Well, since I'm not an attractive young female with a lithe and supple body, but rather an unemployed bald dude who is now beginning his approach on runway middle age, I cannot rely on pictures of myself prancing about in lingerie or or giving a seductive glance to drive people to my blog (....hold on a minute).
No, I have to utilize my stregnth of wit, and talents as a wordsmith. Hmm.... perhaps I am doomed to remain in the dustbin of obscurity. Regardless, I do find some small shred of comfort in the fact that I won't lose any dignity points by plastering my tiny scrap of cyberspace with advertisement, nor will I ever devote my site to all things Lohan, or martini recipies, or Martha Stewart-esque tips on how to create tacky looking holiday decorations from worthless shit. Here you shall never need to worry about being confronted by those annoyances. That is unless I decide that they are worthy topics of my verbal karate chops.
Moreover, should my blog find it's rise in popularity less than meteoric, this demonstrates nothing other than my long held suspicion that the vast majority of the herd lacks the ability to appreciate genius. Should you be one of these tasteless cro-magnons, feel free to leave at once before your brain is confronted by the possibility of...... thinking. If however you like witnessing the flower of brilliance bloom from the manure fields of mindless drivel then I invite you to walk with me as I travel the road of enlightened being.
Get bent nerds!
No, I have to utilize my stregnth of wit, and talents as a wordsmith. Hmm.... perhaps I am doomed to remain in the dustbin of obscurity. Regardless, I do find some small shred of comfort in the fact that I won't lose any dignity points by plastering my tiny scrap of cyberspace with advertisement, nor will I ever devote my site to all things Lohan, or martini recipies, or Martha Stewart-esque tips on how to create tacky looking holiday decorations from worthless shit. Here you shall never need to worry about being confronted by those annoyances. That is unless I decide that they are worthy topics of my verbal karate chops.
Moreover, should my blog find it's rise in popularity less than meteoric, this demonstrates nothing other than my long held suspicion that the vast majority of the herd lacks the ability to appreciate genius. Should you be one of these tasteless cro-magnons, feel free to leave at once before your brain is confronted by the possibility of...... thinking. If however you like witnessing the flower of brilliance bloom from the manure fields of mindless drivel then I invite you to walk with me as I travel the road of enlightened being.
Get bent nerds!
Friday, October 20, 2006
Skills: Smoke Ciggies (+3), Irreverent S.O.B.(+1)
Fuck it all. I have not been as brave as I would like to be. I'm changing that, I'm not going to worry about what people think about whatever the fuck it is that I talk about on this blog. My old blog is nice, quaint, and flat out just fucking boring. Sure, being a respectable human being has i'ts benefits, no one is offended, no one gets their feelings hurt, no one cares. Fuck that. If there comes a time where I need to have a inoffensive, happy time blog, then I will create a new one. Right now I need to explore some previously untrodden paths like spewing thoughless bile and bullshit, freely distributing my opinion about the internet, and shamelessly engaging in ego masturbation. I have found that the utterly suffocating practice of self-censorship is not only metally dangerous but has the tendancy to suck the creative "juices" completely dry.
So I say let go of the inhibitions, feel free to liberally use words like: cock, shit, fuck, motherfucker, bullshit, retard, and fuckwit. Let the cathartic influence of mental regurgitation cleanse the pathways of the mind.
Like all skills crafting one's linguistic effluent into humorous turd-nuggets of surprisingly high-caliber does take practice. But time + effort + true to yourself + a bit of cumin powder = success, and I'm starting now.
-toodles
So I say let go of the inhibitions, feel free to liberally use words like: cock, shit, fuck, motherfucker, bullshit, retard, and fuckwit. Let the cathartic influence of mental regurgitation cleanse the pathways of the mind.
Like all skills crafting one's linguistic effluent into humorous turd-nuggets of surprisingly high-caliber does take practice. But time + effort + true to yourself + a bit of cumin powder = success, and I'm starting now.
-toodles
Friday, September 29, 2006
Book Addict
I go to the bookstore quite often. I like going there, but it's also a bit dangerous for me. You see, I'm a book addict, it's is nearly impossible for me to leave the bookstore without spending $50 at the drop of the hat. I'll go there with the best intentions too. I walk in looking for something in particular and the next thing I know I'm asking for a dolly. It's just...well...all those books just looking for a home, I kind of feel bad for them. It's like a pet store really. And the books, they've got my number. They see me coming in and they practically jump off the shelf into my hands! Then comes the point when I have to decide which ones to buy and which ones to put back. I shuffle back and forth between them, reading their dust jackets, calculating how many days I'll have to eat Raman noodles to afford that expensive political science reference book. Oh no, there's a hardcover edition of the Oddesy on sale! The horror!! I've already made several unsuccessful attempts to make it to the cashier. I've wandered through every section at least three times and the staff is starting to eye me suspiciously. I'm certain I look like a lunatic, especially with all of the talking and arguing with myself. Finally, I'm saved by my buyer's remorse. I put back that tome on "existential psychotherapy" and cling that much more tightly to the Camus.
My Life: A Summary
So you want to know what is going on in my life right now eh? I must admit I can be a bit elusive at times. I get many emails with "What are you doing in Europe?!" in the text. So why don't I just start from there and see where it takes me.
I am in Europe visiting my girlfriend Kimberlee. We met about a year ago in Cincinnati and last July she was offered a position with her company in Rotterdam, Netherlands, which she, being the adventurous girl that she is, accepted. She moved to Holland a few months later and invited me to come visit.
My visit has been full of fun and interesting adventures so far. I've seen places I never even knew existed in my youth. Besides traveling around Holland, Kim and I have been to Barcelona, Spain: Brussels, Belgium: Budapest, Hungary: and St. Petersburg, Russia. We also have plans to go to Paris at the end of this month for Kim's birthday.
This is all fine and good of course, but it may lead to the inevitable question, "what next?" It's always this question that seems so indecipherable to me. To this effect I have decided to stop trying to answer this question and plan out the rest of my life and just take things as they come.
I've also been thinking about returning to school. Everyone I know thinks that I should and I've certainly been entertaining the idea for a very long time. I still haven't quite narrowed down what I want to study but I believe I'm at least getting closer.
Well, there you are. That should bring you up to date with at least some details of my life at the moment. I'm sure it probably stirs up quite a few new questions as well. I will do my best in the New Year to answer them all either by posting events and stories on my blog or through more personal emails. Take care everyone!!
I am in Europe visiting my girlfriend Kimberlee. We met about a year ago in Cincinnati and last July she was offered a position with her company in Rotterdam, Netherlands, which she, being the adventurous girl that she is, accepted. She moved to Holland a few months later and invited me to come visit.
My visit has been full of fun and interesting adventures so far. I've seen places I never even knew existed in my youth. Besides traveling around Holland, Kim and I have been to Barcelona, Spain: Brussels, Belgium: Budapest, Hungary: and St. Petersburg, Russia. We also have plans to go to Paris at the end of this month for Kim's birthday.
This is all fine and good of course, but it may lead to the inevitable question, "what next?" It's always this question that seems so indecipherable to me. To this effect I have decided to stop trying to answer this question and plan out the rest of my life and just take things as they come.
I've also been thinking about returning to school. Everyone I know thinks that I should and I've certainly been entertaining the idea for a very long time. I still haven't quite narrowed down what I want to study but I believe I'm at least getting closer.
Well, there you are. That should bring you up to date with at least some details of my life at the moment. I'm sure it probably stirs up quite a few new questions as well. I will do my best in the New Year to answer them all either by posting events and stories on my blog or through more personal emails. Take care everyone!!
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
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